mbitionWhen I was little, I think about 9 or 10 years old, I dreamt of being a hairdresser. I only had a few toys and books as we didn't have much money and I played for hours with my treasured Tressy doll . For those of you who don't know what I am talking about she had a key in her back that when turned enabled her to 'grow her hair'. So you put her hair in plaits, pony tail or a bun. I made her a little bedroom from small boxes and other bits and bobs I found around the house and also made her some clothes and accessories. My mum worked as a cleaner at the local salon and I loved to go along to work with her in the holidays and watch people having their hair done. One day a member of my family heard me saying to someone that I wanted to be a hairdresser when I grew up. I was told that only people who weren't very bright became hairdressers and from that moment on I never held any ideas of becoming one again. Sorry to any hairdressers I know that is totally untrue.
After that I spent several years harbouring the idea that I was slightly artistic and also good at sewing. I loved clothes and fashion and used love to drawing outfits and try to make them up. This was during the days of Mary Quant, Ossie Clark, Biba (yes, I know I'm old). I did O'levels in Art, Needwork and English which in those days were the requirements to go to the local Art College. My parents had made it clear that they weren't going to support me in further education. So with little support from school or home I brushed aside the idea and set out to get a job which was deemed as respectable. I did toy with the idea of becoming a children's nanny but that would have meant college as well so gave up on that.
My only chat with the Careers Advisor at school lasted less than 5 minutes and was conducted a month before I left school. By that time I had got a job at the local bank. I applied only because I was terrified that if I didn't get some sort of employment I would be in a mess.
I worked in a bank for 11 years. I hated the job but the money was good. The day I walked out for the last time I was 8 months pregnant and I was so happy not just because I could finally leave the job I loathed. But also I was at last achieving an ambition.
When my son was born nearly 24 yrs ago, women rarely gave birth and then went back to work soon after. I was lucky to be able to be at home with both my sons until the youngest was nearly 4yrs old. During my years in the bank my ambition had changed and now all I wanted was to have a loving husband, a family, a home in the country and a dog. I was extremely lucky that I achieved this and I hope never once took it for granted. I started working part time at a playgroup and enjoyed it immensely. Sadly after several years it all fell apart when my husband walked out. He claimed he wanted to be single and all the things I held dear didn't figure in his plan.
I picked myself up and for several years my only ambition was to get through the day without crying. But slowly I started to feel better and I began to think a little about the future. I have been working in a primary school for several years, lately as a pastoral support and I love helping the children who need a listening ear. It surprised me how many children are unhappy, frightened or confused. My ambition now? I have learnt that nothing is forever even when you achieve your ambition. I'm still not sure if I should have any ambitions or strive for anything or just carry on getting through each day?
Reading through this I sound depressed. Maybe it's the fact I have a birthday looming in a few months and I'm feeling old.
5 comments:
I remember Tressy, I had one too. Your lucky to have at least achieved your ambitions even if they didn't last forever I don't think I could even remember what mine were after all these helter skelter years. But I'm not depressed, I relish getting older, each grey hair and new wrinkle is like a badge od honour. I've found that life just gets easier the older you get though I guess there comes a point in old age when that won't be true. But that's not yet so celebrate yout birthday with a knowledge that things just get better and better (if we let them).
You are obviously a strong person to have got through all that life has thrown at you and to now be in a job that you enjoy and that is so worthwhile. Forget the birthday - or at least celebrate the special day but forget the number. If only I could follow my own advice....!)
Dear Rosie,
I found your post very touching. I understand how you are feeling about your looming birthday - mine is looming too. That is just why we have to make a concerted effort to appreciate all the good things we have and all we have achieved despite hardships. Liked our children! And our friends. And our blogs:-)
Hi Rosie,
I stumbled upon this blog, and realized that you are the same Rosie that I exchanged emails with regarding my blue door.
Even way across the ocean you have touched me deeply by your post.
Loss is a given in life, it is when we learn that in spite of our painful losses, the sun gets us up every morning, and after we have had time to look back alittle on our pain, we realize that we are still here, still breathing. We can only conlude that we are somehow stronger having seen under the bandage of life, and seen the wound, and felt the pain.
I wouldn't wish to re experience the losses I have had or wish more loss on anyone, but I value my friends and acquaintances that have been there as opposed to those who have had clear sailing through life. You are a gem Rosie. Thanks for letting me know you more thought this post.
Well I still enjoyed your post, but you are not the 'Rosie' that I was originally emailing are you?
She has Corners of my mind blog. I went back and forth between the blogs today, and realized that there is in fact 2 Rosies.
What a pretty name.
Hope you dont mind if I check back often.
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